This page is currently under construction
The original plan for this project was put out for bid. The lowest cost bid
was selected by a computer in the Bidding Department based solely on a
single unifying principal of setting aside reserves on the original budget in
anticipation that the bidder would over-run cost on the project.
The good news is that the computer selected a final bid that was only 58% of
the original base budgeted cost. Subsequently, a second computer in the Compliance
Department let the contract as being the most prudent investment available.
Unfortunately, the bid request originated from a hand written note estimating
approximately 5,000 lines of code which, wnen transcribed, came out as max of 5,000
"lumps of crud". This was put through a (circa 1993) spell checker resulting in a
final bid spec being let based on 4,878 elastomeric "bricks of mud". Whilst the
bricks could be produced in significant volume, a third computer
in the Scheduling Department arrived at a best fit solution to do all production
within a 10-day period.
Given that the bricks needed 14 days to dry, the Advanced Projects Department computer
countered with a solution to electroplate the wet bricks with a porous titanium skin.
Unfortunately, this decision was countered by a rather obnozious
little B&@(#&@ of a computer in the Transportation Department that insisted on
changing the truck FOB formula to transport only 100 bricks at a time to save fuel
costs given the added weight of the titanium.
Not without purpose, a computer in the Traffic Department routed the trucks
on two lane back roads to accomplish two goals, firstly to keep the speed down on the
trucks to comply with the fuel saving plan and secondly, to increase the transit delay
time to approximately 75 days transit time to allow more drying time.
The Property Department computer promptly calculated that to have that many
trucks on the road at the same time would be counter productive as
well as overly costly so only contracted one driver to do the entire delivery.
The Forecasting Department computer has advised that the project time will have to be
increased eight-fold but only with consequential staffing of one brick layer
on Mondays of every other month.
In summary, the partially built wall of 27 bricks(with 6 spares) above
represents the delivery of usable bricks thus far. We are pleased to advise
you to note the fine workmanship of this project. We also can advise you
that the project is on track, on time, and within
budget. We have been advised by the computer in the Futures Work Scope Department that a
new project is required to determine what to do with the hitherto un-finished building, and
where the lines of code are for this project. We are looking into this at the moment.
Thank you for your request for a breifing on this project. We will let you know when this
project window opens for use.
We will keep you apprised as soon as we can get the hammers out of the collection of
computers managing this project!
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